Art Linkletter and Bill Cosby co-hosted a TV series from 1996 to 2000 called – Kids Say the Darndest Things. One of the hosts would ask a question and the child would respond in a cute way. The audience would laugh, the hosts would fain shock and surprise, and everyone had fun. It was -if nothing else – entertaining.

Well some adults in the business world behave much like the children in that television show. But they not only say the darndest things, they also do the darndest things. They not only sabotage themselves, but they create collateral damage in the process. And many have no clue what they did until they need help and no one is left standing by them to help.

We have been contacted five times in the last month by people who have changed jobs (voluntarily and involuntarily) multiple times in the last two years. Each time they were ready to (or were shocked into) making a job change, they would call. The call always went the same way. Hi, this is Fred or Mary (fictitious names), just wanted to check in and see how you were doing. I’m looking for a new opportunity and just wanted to reconnect and network.

We would talk, they would eventually find a new job, we would congratulate them and then hear nothing back until – you guessed it – they were looking for a new opportunity and, once again, wanted to reconnect and network. Readers of our blog, this behavior only goes so far even with the most patient people, which we do not pretend to be.

We are experiencing the greatest economic downturn since the Great Depression. The unemployment rate is in the double digits in many states and the prospect of a quick recovery is doubtful. Many signs point to the end of the downturn. And there is cautious optimism for a slow and steady recovery – depending on who you read, however. But many agree that the jobs recovery process will lag. So for a while at least, there will be more people looking for jobs then there will be jobs available.

So what should you do in addition to differentiating yourself from other candidates? Commit not to exhibit and practice any of the 9 sabotaging behaviors as you extend yourself to others and interview for job opportunities:

-   Understand that building meaningful relationships is important

-   Decide who it is important to stay in contact with and stay in contact with them

-   When you get a new position, acknowledge everyone who helped you by sending a quick note thanking them (whether they were instrumental in helping you get that position or not). You called them for help and they returned your call at some level

-   If someone you reached out to in the past calls or emails you – return the call or email. You do not have to be their best friend, nor even meet with them, but a gracious reply is remembered

-   Always find a way to provide value, and ideally do so first (by that we mean before you ask it of someone else

It is never too late to improve your performance, improve your behavior and improve your skills. Just because you were dismissive in the past does not mean you should continue to be dismissive. The recession has created some fundamental changes in the marketplace. New behaviors, new responses, innovation will be rewarded. Get out of your stuck, shed your old beliefs and behavior and start again – differently.

Copyright 2009 Kubica and LaForest

There is probably not a hiring manager reading this who hasn’t asked this question: should we hire from outside the organization or promote from within? Our question to you: why would you ask that question first?

We all know the statistics – over 50% of people we hire don’t work out as we planned. (Of course, the 50% can go higher or lower depending on who you read, but the success rate for new hires is far from impressive for most companies). They quit, get fired or do not meet expectations, but we keep them around anyway because they are performing just good enough and they are filling the seat. Unfortunately, no business we have ever seen is successful when its employees are performing just good enough.

Why would any hiring manager want to play roulette (bet on red or black – 50% chance of winning or losing) with building their organization’s talent? Talented people create successful companies. It’s really that simple. Yet every day, hiring managers sabotage their chance for success by asking the third question first. Correct, this is not a typo, should we hire from the outside or promote from within is the third question we should ask.

The first question determines the need: What needs to be done? And in that, what are the essential functions and requirements of this position now and will it be the same or change a year from now? Here are additional questions related to determining need: Is it different from what needed to be done in the past or what will need to be done in the future? Who says so and how do you know? How is it possible to recruit someone if you don’t know what they are supposed to do? As an example, are you recruiting for a manager to run a department that is operating well? Are you recruiting for someone to dramatically improve departmental performance? Are you recruiting for someone to implement a new direction for the company as defined in the strategic plan?

The second question is: What skills / competence (often referred to as KSA’s – knowledge, skills and abilities) and attitude do you need for the job. Skills / competence are the ability to do the job, and attitude represents the passion, dedication and cultural fit for the job. Each of the examples provided above requires a different skill set and attitude. Very few leaders can do it all under any condition. General Patton was an outstanding WW II wartime general; not so outstanding as a peace time general.

Unless you can answer these questions, you have just spun the roulette wheel.

We believe organizations should hire from the outside and promote from within. But who is hired from the outside and who is promoted depends on how the first two questions are answered.

Copyright 2009 Kubica and LaForest

We are taking a slight turn in our blog and want to bring to you a real life story about an international amateur mountain climber and how he conquered fear. It’s longer than our usual post, but we hope you enjoy it and find benefit in it.

Fear shows up in many forms. Sometimes it causes a perceived public failure. And sometimes the courage to confront fear and overcome it can result in a very public success.

Dr. Tim Warren is a chiropractor in Warwick, Rhode Island. He reached the summit of Mt. Everest in 2008. He was the first Rhode Islander to summit Everest. But he did it on his second attempt. Not bad considering that Dr. Warren comes from a state where the highest peak is 812 feet.

Dr. Warren is an amateur mountain climber, although amateur only in the sense that he doesn’t do it for a living. His passion and avocation is climbing mountains. He tells an interesting story about his first climbing experience. He and a friend were climbing Mount Katahdin in Maine. When they reached the Knife Edge (a place on the mountain where the drop is 1,200 feet on both sides), Dr. Warren said he “became paralyzed and I wanted to stop.” They stopped and rested. While resting a cub scout pack passed them laughing and joking around and seemingly having fun as they climbed without hesitation. It was at this point that Dr Warren realized that it wasn’t a physical limitation he was experiencing (he was a tri-athlete and a marathon runner), it was a mental and emotional thing. It was fear; fear crosses thoughts and feelings.

He worked to overcome his fear, trained rigorously and went on to climb the Grand Tetons in Wyoming, Mt. Rainier in Washington, Mt. McKinley in Alaska and Mt. Kilimanjaro in Africa. He then told himself he had one more climb to make – Mt. Everest, the highest peak in the world at 29,029 feet.

He again trained and in 2007 attempted to summit Mount Everest. It was big news in Rhode Island. He fell short and due to illness failed to summit. He was disappointed even though he climbed his personal best of 24,000 feet. When we talked with him, he told us that in addition to being a physical battle, it was an emotional battle.  He admitted to us that one of the reasons he failed to summit, if not the major contributing reason, was that his limiting thinking and negative emotions kept getting in the way.

In his tent at night he would say things such as “I don’t belong here; Who do I think I am to climb Everest; I’m not the same caliber as these other climbers.”  And his mind began taking over, the fear monster was growing and he came back to Rhode Island 5,029 feet short of his goal. Personal best or not, Dr. Warren said it just was not good enough and recommitted himself to attempt the summit again in 2008.

This time he did not only train physically, he trained mentally. Positive affirmations and focused intention became a daily ritual. He revealed:

My positive affirmations really came into play. I wouldn’t buy into those feelings of not being a good enough climber or not being strong enough to climb Everest. And it got me over the hump.

It worked. On May 23, 2008, Dr. Tim Warren stood on top of the world.

We all have fears. It’s what we do about those fears that will determine whether we live our dream or get overshadowed by the monster that still sleeps under our bed and resides in our head.

Copyright 2009 Kubica and LaForest

As Emerson wrote: What you do speaks so loudly I can’t hear what you say. All behavior is seen and interpreted through the eyes of another. All behavior has consequences: some positive; some negative.

We often forget, in our self-centered interpretation of our actions, that others will understand. We hear things like: it’s not what you think; it’s not what it looks like; you misunderstand. Well, it’s exactly what I think, it’s exactly what it looks like, and no I really don’t misunderstand – nor do I care to understand. I see what I see. Unfair?  Likely. True? Absolutely.

This is especially relevant for leaders. We counsel people who are newly promoted to a management position that the employees will “see” them differently now. If the new leader walks into the office and is not smiling – something is wrong. If they do not acknowledge a person as they past them on their way to their office – the person thinks they are at risk to be fired. If they acknowledge the idea of one person at a meeting and seemingly ignore another – then the leader does not like or respect me and I probably should look for another job. Perception is reality and the price you pay by ignoring it is high.

Misinterpretation of your behavior is especially important in social situations and on the social networks. Some leaders are naturally outgoing and may have a tendency to act inappropriately (as seen by others) in a social situation: letting your guard down or “just having fun” can extract a heavy professional toll. Relationships, which are so important in business, can be forged or destroyed in a social situation. Remember, there are no casual moments.

The social networks also present great opportunity and great risk as we noted in our blog two weeks ago.

So, how do you know how others perceive you?:

1.      Understand that how you see a situation and how others see a situation may be different and it is how others see it that will define you;

2.      Ask for feedback about your behavior and how others see you using trusted advisors, respected peers and your supervisor or clients (Note: We do not advise taking unsolicited feedback to heart, as usually this has more to do with the givers agenda and interest than you.)

3.      Listen to that feedback without judging

4.      Clarify what others are saying about your behavior -make sure you understand your behavior from their standpoint, and the impression and impact that it creates

5.      Upon understanding that, revisit how you feel about your behavior

6.      Be willing to change and decide on next best action

7.      Seek help from a coach or mentor if you are stuck or want to move along more quickly

As you advance in your career, it is essential that you remember it’s not how you see things that matters, it is how others see it. And that could mean the difference between personal growth and stagnation. Remember, “What you do speaks so loudly I can’t hear what you say”-so, is that really what you wanted me to get?

Copyright 2009 Kubica and LaForest

Self-sabotage is a tragic behavior to us personally and to our organization. We believe and our findings substantiate that many people do not realize how they are harming themselves, their careers and their organizations. The self-sabotaging behaviors they exhibit often are not done intentionally, they are done subconsciously.  What we often hear is: “this is the way I’ve always been”; “it’s just me”; “it’s who I am”. How tragic to relinquish control over your life, career, and yes happiness, because you refuse to see your behavior in any other way. This type of auto piloting your behavior and responses may certainly be quicker and easier, but not necessarily the best option to promote your success.

We wondered why people behave the way they behave when it has such destructive consequences.  We talked with people from different walks of life and at different stages of their career, and here is what we found.  People fail to take action for three reasons:

1.      they aren’t aware that they are self-sabotaging themselves or their organization;

2.      they are aware, but they don’t care;

3.      they are aware, they do care, but they are afraid to act because of:

o       fear of change or the discipline to make it happen

o       fear of standing out

o       fear of making waves

o       fear of being criticized

o       in short – FEAR but no one wants to admit that vulnerability either

No one can change a behavior they are not aware exists. So if you are concerned about your behavior and whether you exhibit self-sabotaging traits – ask. Ask people close to you, who care about you, but you must make it safe for them to respond. Asking for feedback and then “losing it”, and defending against it when they give you the feedback tells you two things: you have serious self-sabotaging traits (or else you would not have lost it) and you have guaranteed no further useful feedback – other than, of course, “you are great, there is nothing I can think of that you should be concerned about.” You can now happily meander down the road of mediocrity wallowing in self-deception along with self-sabotage.

If you are aware, then to improve, you must care. Lack of caring can be described as arrogance, hubris, insensitivity, dismissive – all self-sabotaging behaviors. Lack of caring obviates the opportunity for improvement, and tells us that the consequences are acceptable to you. Something to think about if growth, advancement and future success are important to you.

The final issue is Fear. You can be aware, you can care about improving, but you fear the consequences of acting. This is a clear manifestation of how self-sabotaging behavior is holding you back. Think about it. You know you or the organization is showing self-sabotaging behaviors, you care, but you are afraid to act. This is truly a sad and very limiting behavior because you have turned over your success, your career and your life to others.

What should you do?:

1.      Improve awareness

a.      Ask for feedback on your behavior

b.      Make it safe to provide you feedback

c.      Indicate a willingness to do something about it

d.      After taking action, ask for further feedback

2.      Care about your behavior

a.      Understand and appreciate that eliminating self-sabotaging behaviors will improve your career advancement and career growth opportunities

3.      Act – do something about it to avoid, replace, mitigate or eliminate the behavior(s)

If improvement, growth and advancement are important to you – action speaks.

Copyright 2009 Kubica and LaForest