“You’ve got to understand, that’s just the way I am.” Hogwash, we don’t have to understand at all. It’s not our job to tolerate your bad behavior.

On a personal level, it’s not good, and we will leave that between you and your waning group of friends. On a business level, it’s material you need to pay attention to.

We see this in the corporate refugee (person who leaves a large corporation or organization and starts a solo or small business), bosses, and small business owners. And interestingly, as some business people become more successful, it seems to get worse! Tony Hayward past CEO of BP came across like this.

What seems to elude many of them is that they are sowing the seed of discontent and dissatisfaction. And they either don’t know or they simply don’t care. If they don’t know, that can be fixed. If they don’t care, well that’s another story.

So why is it such a problem? The answer is obvious to those looking from the outside in: employees and customers. Bad behavior negatively impacts employee morale, creativity, taking initiative and productivity. It impacts the customer’s willingness to do business with you again. In fact we cannot think of one positive thing bad behavior does for you or your business, other than make you feel powerful.

So why don’t employers, bosses, business owners behave better if it has such a damaging impact? Success. That’s right, the more successful you are the greater chance that you will be deaf to anyone telling you that your behavior is lacking! If you have the business you want or if you have minimal competition, than why bother. You have everything you want and therefore expect people to work around you. While that is a good position for you, our experience suggests that folks like that can be very difficult and less than desirable to deal with.

Here’s the rub, as the economy recovers, employees will have more options (we see that being reported now). We also know that smart entrepreneurs will look for weaknesses in their competitive landscape and launch competing businesses.

Employees leaving and competitive start-ups may not have been as prevalent in the past as they are now. The economy and business environment has changed post-recession. And competition and options for good people will intensify.

So go ahead and ignore or justify your bad behavior, though don’t be surprised if you end up with less talented and driven employees and less dedicated customers around to tolerate it.

Copyright 2010 Kubica and LaForest

On May 6, 1954, Roger Bannister did what many believed was impossible. He broke the 4 minute mile.

How does this relate to starting and building a business? Part of the answer is in one of his quotes: “A man who can drive himself further once the effort gets painful is the man who will win.” Paraphrased: the business owner who can drive further when it’ s most difficult (even painful) is the business owner who will succeed.

We see far too many new business owners start with unbridled excitement and enthusiasm. You have a sure fire winner in your business idea. You can’t lose; people will want to buy from you, do business with you. Why not, you ask, we have a great product / service.

Then reality hits. You need to market; you need to get past what at times seems to be a tsunami of no’s; you need to work what seems to be ridiculous hours (and to quote Dr. Seuss initially “for that piffulous pay of two Dooklas a day”); you need to overcome the doubters who watch from the wings and revel in “I told you so”. No, it’s not easy to start and run a successful business and especially if you lack the conviction and courage that ultimately drives success

Building a business on your own is challenging. As you hit what we call the “pain points” (also referred to as inflection points in business growth) you are essentially on your own to work through the challenges, overcome the doubts and manage the risks. (This is one of the reasons we recommend partnering when forming a business.)

Successful business owners are like elite athletes. They train; they set goals; they practice through consistent demonstration and they seek assistance and support (coaching) to help them improve and achieve their goals. They have learned to work beyond the pain.

Copyright 2010 Kubica and LaForest

In business, your greatest value is your credibility. With it, you will have a chance to tell your story, lead, develop, positively impact your clients and grow your business. Without it, you have nothing.

Based on talking with hundreds of business people over the years, we have reached one inescapable conclusion – everyone believes they are credible. In fact, many believe it is their strongest asset. But we are often the worst judges of our credibility.

Here’s how it manifests. We talked with people (who were bosses, peers, prospects or clients) and one thing the “un-credible” had in common was their strong (and often inappropriate, inconsiderate or unrealistic) expectations of the performance of others. And their bad behavior looks like:

-       Wordsmithing your work to death because they believe their grammar and approach is better. Yet they add little to no value and waste time

-       Demand adherence to tight deadlines, yet do not meet their own deadlines (which are required if you are to meet yours).

-       Expect perfection in what you do (we’ve all heard that a project must be perfectly executed, that we all must give 110%), but fail to deliver it

-       And, continually expect others to give more to them then they reciprocate – they continually ask for help but don’t offer it

Business is not war – contrary to the absurd belief that it is. We are not running through the hallways to attack and take control of the conference room. We are not about taking prisoners. We are about running a business; we are about thoughtfully using our available resources (employees, vendors, advisors) to improve our client and customer’s condition and our own. We can’t do that if everyone around us is ducking for cover or silently shaking their head in disbelief and frustration

While we’ve approached this with some cynical humor, it is far from funny. When you lose credibility, and you will if you demonstrate the above behaviors, you lose the leverage you have to get work done.  Businesses can’t afford people like that, and are becoming less tolerant and more conscientious in raising their standards.

Copyright 2010 Kubica and LaForest

On Monday we wrote about the benefits and value of healthy conflict. And we raised the real possibility of a stalemate. That is the inability to make a decision because all the arguments have merit and those arguing are fully committed to their position. Well, the business reality is – a decision must be made. In the absence of a decision all you have is a good discussion and a frustrated team who muse, “all we do is talk we never decide on anything.”

The most common type of decisions organizations face is on the direction or approach to take on a project or a sales strategy for a client. These are  ongoing decisions that come up frequently: the day-to-day decisions. Because they are frequent, a decision making pattern emerges, and you want to be sure that the pattern that emerges reinforces teamwork, full participation,  encourages and optimizes from healthy conflict.

So, the Do’s and Don’ts of breaking a stalemate:

1)    Retire the “Umpire Approach”. That is – make the call yourself. Making the call immediately and solo, is demoralizing and kills morale. Do it often enough and you will start to hear “why bother, he/she will decide anyway – it doesn’t matter what I/we think…”

2)    Practice the Law of Reciprocity. If you concede on an approach today, your teammate will concede on an approach tomorrow. This works best when the arguments are good on both sides, the outcome is unknowable at this point, and the consequences of being wrong are not a deal breaker to the project or initiative.

3)    Do use a consensus strategy that asks the participants – can we live with this decision? The questions isn’t whether they like it or not (they do not have to concede their position). It’s about whether or not they can accept the decision and agree to move on to the next issue.

4)    Determine who is willing to live with the consequences of their recommendation. That is “take the heat” if it doesn’t work out, deal with the customers, accept the loss of a sale and so forth. Ideas are great and they are reasonably plentiful, taking responsibility shows true commitment and belief. Remember that relationships and continued improvement trumps who is right and small failures, assuming lessons learned is the focus.

How you approach decision making on the day-to-day decisions begins to develop your culture – or “how work is done around here.” While the decision may seem or ultimately be trivial, the way you make it is not.

Copyright 2010 Kubica and LaForest

Some may wonder if that term is a contradiction within itself – an oxymoron. Let us assure you, it is not! Too often we assume conflict is bad, harmful to relationships, and disruptive to a harmonious work environment. In fact, many of us were taught as children that conflict is bad or wrong, and the truth is that conflict is a natural occurrence. So, we suggest a paradigm shift, as not only is that common reaction and assumption incorrect, conflict is a catalyst to creative and innovative thinking and collaborative decision making. Businesses (as well as personal relationships) grow with “healthy conflict”, and talented teams thrive.

Conflict in the form of argument shrouded in barely controllable (or uncontrollable) anger, sarcasm and condescension is not what we are talking about. This form of conflict is destructive and should not be tolerated in any organization.

And, the last thing you want as an executive or business owner is to have your team described as “polite”. Polite in this context is a euphemism used to describe an ineffectual team.

Neither extreme works and neither is effective.

Healthy conflict on the other hand is liberating. Although it is fair to say to the strong willed, that it may not feel that way as your point is being dissected and you have no idea what parts will come out intact– if any.

Healthy conflict:

-       Requires you to go deeper behind the reason for your idea.

-       Requires you to state not only what you believe but also why you believe it.

-       Requires you to defend your idea and not your ego. Healthy conflict is about the ideas, not about the people with the ideas.

-       Leads to creativity and innovation as new avenues are explored through intelligent challenge.

People are respected in healthy and vibrant organizations and healthy conflict is essential for a people-centric organization.

In Thursday’s Quick Tips we will show how to break the stalemate. A stalemate occurs when all of the arguments have merit and a decision is required. The reason – while healthy conflict is good, it’s great when it leads to a meaningful decision to produce results.

Copyright 2010 Kubica and LaForest

In Monday’s Blog, we asked the question: do you belong at the table? In the Quick Tips today, we expand on the six skills identified (WSJ 5/24/120) in the Blog that must be developed if you want to establish peer relationships and claim your seat at the table. (Note: each of our brief descriptions applies whether you are an employee or you are dealing with prospects or clients)

Leadership: Leadership is a complex subject. What we are referring to is the ability to take a leadership position on an initiative: to generate an idea that will address an issue and follow-through on it. When you do this, you automatically generate a practical idea – because you have to make it happen.

Strategic Thinking: Is the ability to demonstrate you can think in strategic terms and understand both the short-term and long-term implications of your recommendations and the impact it will have on the overall strategy of the organization. Ideas that are out of synch with an organization’s strategic direction (unless you’re helping set strategic direction) are rapidly dismissed.

Synthesis Skills: This is the ability to take different ideas and thoughts and bring them together to create a solution. For example, you may take ideas from finance, marketing, sales and human resource and construct a viable solution that addresses the needs of this disparate group.

Communication Skills: The ability to communicate to be articulate is essential. This means talking in a conversational tone, using proper grammar, not dumbing down your words, not being overly technical and obtuse. Communicating at the appropriate level for your audience. If you can’t be understood, it you are condescending, your audience will tune you out.

Influence Skills: Most of us will not have direct authority over the people we are talking to. To make progress, we need to exert influence. And influence requires understanding what is important to the other person. The Law of Reciprocity works: provide something important to the other person and they in turn will provide something important to you. Educating the other person is one technique that will increase your influence.

Relationship Skills: Nothing happens unless there is a relationship established. Take time to establish a real relationship with the person you are working with. It cannot be rushed; relationships develop at a natural pace. Some develop faster than others. But remember – no relationship – no business.

It’s critical to remember, having a seat at the table is not related to age, education, gender or any other criteria  (real or imaginary) you want to suggest. It’s related to you, and how well you demonstrate your value.

Copyright 2010 Kubica & LaForest

The Wall Street Journal (May 24, 2010) ran an interesting article titled: Why CIOs Are Last Among Equals. It identified six skills that many of them lack: leadership, strategic thinking, synthesis skills, communication skills, influence skills and relationship skills. And while the article focused on CIOs, it could just as easily have focused on other technical (or clinical) professions – including small business owners.

As a small business owner, you will be working with, selling to, and providing services to other executives if you are in the business-to-business marketplace. And it may come as a surprise, but when selling to executives, you are not just selling your product or service, you are selling you – you are selling a peer relations. Unless you have a peer relationship you are leaving money on the table. And unless you are one of those rare individuals who is not in business to make money, support your family and your life style, you are coming up short.

People like to do business with people they know and like. No surprise here – unless of course you believe that it’s not about you it’s all about your product or service. Well it just isn’t so. It is about you and it is about your peer-level relationships. Too often we hear this referred to as the “ole boys network” or “politics as usual”. This is false thinking. How many of you (male or female – doesn’t matter) who have a successful and growing business believe that your success is due to the “ole boys network” or “politics as usual”: likely not many of you. What you are likely to describe is taking the time to develop a real relationship, taking the time to get to know your customer, finding a way to provide something they value. Your competition may describe it using the quotes above.

And how did you do this? You did it by acquiring and applying the skills that demonstrate you deserve a seat at the table. In Thursday’s Quick Tips, we will provide ideas and thoughts on how to not only get to the table, but enjoy the experience.

Copyright 2010 Kubica and LaForest